my happy post

i rarely feel the need to blog when i'm happy, usually i have to be stressed or extremely annoyed or disappointed in society or just generally sad but today let me just tell you what's right

what's right is that there's a lady named barbara at the nursing home who is blind but has a precious soul and i like to hear her play piano, and i have a for real valentine this year who was well worth waiting for, and my family is hilarious and insightful but mostly hilarious such as this scene which I must share

Haley: "Pepper (our adorable shih tzu), you're everything I've ever wanted in a man. You're handsome, brave, loyal..."

Mom: "Short and hairy?"

*exploding laughter from me and mom for about 5 minutes*

also I really really love this song 

and my hair is just the right amount of curly finally so i am just happy in general

:)

everything is music is everything

today me and tyler sat in my driveway and i laid back on the concrete while he played guitar and watched clouds float by. at one point i asked him what the world would be like without music... and he said what i was thinking, "depressing". i wondered what people who didn't care for music did to relax and express their frustration and emotion. he said that anyone who said they didn't like music, were liars.

and then i thought, maybe for some people, watching clouds go by is music. their ebb and flow carelessly and so perfectly and majestically like a line of melody, and it caresses and soothes the soul.

maybe watching the sun rise and set is music. watching the colors paint the canvas sky with the notes and rhythms of nature.

or perhaps, for some, driving with the windows down. the melodic smell of the grass after it rains. long hugs that secure our hearts. the wind in our faces as we run. holding the hand of a friend while they hold your heart. beautiful lines of literature. eyes that smile. dancing across the hardwood on our daddy's shoes. the laugh of an innocent child.

maybe everything is music.

perhaps, music so far transcends anything created by man, transcends language and words and emotion... that, logically, we must conclude that music came from something, someone, much greater than us.

maybe the very word "music" cannot adequately describe the feeling that it defines. we are too mortal, too human.

and so perhaps, music itself is proof that we were made for an entirely different world.

bucket list

This weekend was possibly the two best consecutive days of my entire life.
Event one: Tyler Garrett was baptized into Christ on Saturday. My best friend, other than Hannah. The person I tell everything, even the things I'm ashamed of. The one everyone assumes I'm dating even though we're not and that gets on our nerves, but not too much. The one who heard my cousin preach about Jesus at my birthday party and began attending worship with me and then the past Saturday night, he heard a sermon and it just clicked, and it was the most amazing thing I believe I've ever witnessed. I don't in any way take credit for it... it was all part of God's masterful, wonderful plan. God is so almighty. At times like these when I try to put characteristics upon God, I can't do it. Because He just Is. He is All and in All. And His word touched Tyler's heart and upon hearing a few lessons, he was already convicted and convinced and CONVERTED to serving God. I can't wait to serve together. I can't even put a level of happiness with this. It's immeasurable. Thank you thank you thank you Lord.
Seeing his face reminded me of what it is to be new. To feel completely whole. Like you were wearing a scarlet robe and you arise white as snow. Clean and pure. Fresh and new and perfect, in God. IT'S SO AMAZING to see that look in someone's eyes. I want to talk more about this but I have so many things to say. I'm overloaded with lack of blogging.

This is named bucket list because I spent a lot of my weekend with Chris and Melissa, they opened their home to us and were so hospitable and I had the most amazing time. I wanted to load up all their books in Estelle and drive home with them. Thoreau, Jane Austen, Shakespeare, numerous biblical references, philisophical books and books just for fun... Melissa and I are definitely going to start sharing because we seriously talked for about an hour about just books. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a conversation so much on that topic.
When I went into their office (Melissa will see this and so yes, I was nosy and found this so I hope you don't mind) I saw they had both posted a bucket list and several points were highlighted which they had already accomplished. I was touched to see that 99% of their lists had to do with their relationships with God and each other. I came home in a frenzy to clean my room and organize everything all cutesy and put all my books on the shelf, and then I decided I needed to do a bucket list of my own since I've had a mental bucket list for quite a while I suppose. I don't have that best friend who just so happens to be my husband, and I don't get to be a housewife yet and spend lots of time reading books and cooking and being a youth minister's wife, but that life seems to be so amazing and fulfilling and I really hope and believe that Melissa loves it. I'm sure sometimes it isn't easy but I'm in love with the idea.

Shauna's bucket list.
1. write a book
2. convert someone to Christ
3. marry the most godly man I know
4. be the best wife that he could ever dream of
5. write for a Christian woman magazine
6. own a super expensive camera
7. read the whole bible
8. maintain organization wherever I live
9. be able to compare my life with that of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31
10. keep my house clean and welcome unannounced visitors
11. visit Italy
12. develop the art of home-cooking
13. learn to sew
14. read every classic novel
15. go on a mission trip
16. read a book twice
17. be a cool mom
18. learn to play guitar well
19. own a great dane
20. have the same best friend for 20 years
21. be a maid of honor
22. get paid to do something I love
23. be a housewife
24. have a home library
25. write music that brings someone to tears
26. learn to play piano
27. be a role model to someone and completely unaware of it
28. do something truly good for someone without seeking any recognition or praise, but only for the sake of doing it
29. experience life from the eyes of someone less fortunate
30. adopt a child

I had so much to say but this takes up so much time and I'm on a reading and organization kick

indecisive

reasons to not be homeschooled:
1. the tennis team
2. band
3. band
4. band
5. being drum major
5. I would really miss some people. I really would.
6. less opportunity to talk about Jesus and let my light shine
7. I hate being bored
8. I like going places constantly and staying busy
9. I eat a lot when I'm bored, that could be a bad thing
10. I've come this far already

I hate being indecisive. It's really not my favorite quality to say the least.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm trying out for All-State (remember in that blog I wrote about how I tend to want to be the best at everything I do and making All-State was one of my goals? I don't know who I'm talking to, I'd be thoroughly amazed if someone has read every single one of these. Anyway it's here (stop stressing shauna baker), just in case you're interested, whoever you are). But I think I'm doing a lot better about the whole not stressing out about every event of my life which involves the teeniest bit of competition because regardless of whether I'm first chair or don't pass scales, life goes on. And so it goes. And afterwards my favorite group of people are coming over to play guitar and help me de-stress and the excitement of seeing them just pretty much trumps any kind of uneasiness I'm feeling about the try-out. It will all be worth it.

I'm really in the mood to read instead of write so this isn't going to be very long, but I want to make it a personal goal to not get into the humdrum of school and life and business and forget what I felt like after Exposure and how on fire for God I was and still am. I hope I never ever forget what that's like again because truly it's such an amazing feeling. I love having hope. I don't understand how anyone can be happy without it. I have a lot to say on this topic but I'll save it for a later date.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.' Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:35-39

homeschooled

reasons to be homeschooled:
1. to be able to pick my friends and not be stuffed into an atmosphere with people I just really do not appreciate because of the way they act
2. to work at my own pace and not waste time learning things I already know
3. individual studies of things I'm truly interested in
4. just more time, period
5. you don't have to skip school on snow days and then give up sunny saturdays to make up for it
6. lunch doesn't have to be portable
7. I can listen to Jason Reeves while doing pre-cal, and it won't be so bad
8. there isn't classwork and then a buttload of homework, there's work that lasts for a few hours and then you can do other things with your life
9. learn how to do grown-up things
10. to not have to do make-up work when I go to the doctor
11. get a job, possibly babysitting
12. no more waking up at 5:30
13. I can wear sweatpants and drink coffee all day long
14. nobody cusses at my house
15. I can balance spiritual food and education because of the whole "no wasted time" thing
16. there is no need for busy work that has absolutely no educational value
17. because homeschooled kids are not anti-social, they're some of the happiest and friendliest people I know
18. when I'm sick, I don't do make-up work, I take a day off
19. mission trips
20. playing guitar can actually be considered an elective

reasons to not be homeschooled:
1. band

life is beautiful

Life won't always go your way

And that won't ever change

But you'll find blessings in the clouds 

And you'll find mercy in the rain 

And you'll have heartache down the road 

And tears shed from a broken soul 

But joy will seek you out and give you hope 

Like candles' lights in darkened rooms 

And how you sacrifice and try to make things right 

Is the whole world happy but you 

But hungry children cry while thirsty siblings die 

How did this life become so cruel 

And then the questions come and rare are answers known 

But this is still worth pushing through 

Cause every smile shown 

And Every laughing moment 

Confirms that life is beautiful 

I know you love me I know you really love me 

And I want to fall in love with you 

And I am guilty just like you 

And I will never save myself 

And all my formulas and secret recipes 

Will never take away the pain 

But I'll find healing in His wounds 

And I'll find warmth in lover's eyes 

Cause every drop of blood 

And every tear that's cried 

Confirms that life is beautiful 

Confirms that we are beautiful 

Confirms that you are beautiful 

I know you love me I know you really love me 

And I want to fall in love with you 

With you

- The Icarus Account

my favorite

My new favorite thing to listen to: http://stereomood.com/mood/calm. It's a playlist of calming music. Right now I'm listening to a piano piece and I feel like such a loser because I'm like tearing up. It's so beautiful. I think my two favorite instruments to listen to are solo piano pieces, and acoustic guitar. Both are just so calming and pure and true. I know why I love music, and it's all about emotion. Music expresses emotions that transcend words... That's so cliche but I believe it with my whole heart. I could spend my entire life dedicated to making music (aside from being a Christian of course) and be completely content. But I don't ever want my career to be just that because then it isn't just a passion anymore, it's my job and it becomes monotonous and a daily task instead of just an impulsive reaction to daily things, like when I have a bad day and so I decide to sit down and play guitar and suddenly everything feels so much lighter and I can breathe again. I'm afraid if I ever pursue music as a career I will forget to use music as an escape too, because then I won't be escaping from anything because I do it all day every day anyway... That might not make sense but this is mostly for me and I know what I'm talking about. I know I have to marry somebody who loves music just as much as I do because I'm so passionate about it that to someone that isn't passionate about it I'm sure it would be extremely annoying to live with. Even the most agreeable husband in the world (which is by the way another trait that is definitely on the checklist for my future husband, since I'm potentially annoying sometimes) is gonna tell me to shut up singing eventually if he doesn't love music like I do. A regular person wouldn't want to hear me singing all day every day for the rest of their lives but a music lover wouldn't mind, hopefully. If he does then I guess I'll just have to pick between either my music or him, and I'm sure he wouldn't like how that decision is going to turn out because music wins even if he's the most gorgeous creature in the universe. 
I've become a sort of reject because I think for some people a lot of people really don't like me, or their just being a little on the rude side for no reason but anyway it will be okay because in 1 1/2 years I'm leaving that high school and I get to choose who I stay in contact with from that school which will be a very slim crowd and mostly consist of teachers and some band kids. I don't feel like a normal teenager at school but I do feel at home when I go to youth events and I'm with what I really consider to be my closest friends, because they have their priorities in order and they love God more than popularity and it comforts me to believe that just maybe they kinda feel like rejects sometimes, too... Or maybe they don't and I'm just weird but I've accepted that to be fact as well. It's so funny typing that because I say it to myself in my head all the time but when it's on the screen in front of me it really hits home. I can't feel normal because then I'm not "peculiar" as God wants me to be, so it's okay to feel like a reject if it's for the right reasons. Sometimes I wish I were homeschooled because I absolutely hate the atmosphere of high school. I love education but hate the social side. I mean, it's not that I don't want to be friendly and have friends and all, but there's so much hypocrisy and lies and rumors and ugly words and stereotypes and I just do not enjoy it at all. I wish I could be in a classroom with me and a teacher and ask every question I have and only learn things that I don't already know and only learn things that will pertain to my future and not random facts that I will forget the next day. I wish I could learn only how to write eloquently and persuasively, and how to deliver speeches without stuttering, and ancient Greek and Roman history and the antiquity of the Bible and scientific evidences and photography and music and everything I'm so passionate about. I wish I didn't have to go through learning about random battles in random wars that I will never remember because I'm horrible at remembering dates and battles. I wish I could just personalize my education.
Basically, I guess I wish I were in college already.
When I get married one day I never want it to die. I want to be that old couple that still hold hands and take care of each other and can smile at each other and communicate without saying a word and just be so incredibly happy and at home. Basically watch Fireproof and the last half of the movie, Kirk Cameron is completely the man of my dreams. I think my biggest fear in life is for me and my husband to fall out of love with each other. That can never never never happen. But as long as we both remain strong in the Lord I don't think it's possible. I hope not. I never want to turn into the naggy wife who does nothing but complain all the time. This is all I want to say on this topic, I will probably expand at a later date because I think about getting married a lot for some odd reason.
I know I had a lot more to say but I took a break in between to watch Fireproof and now I've lost my train of thought...
OH OH OH I remember, a boy was baptized today and his name was Aaron and I'm so excited that I squealed with Hannah for a consecutive period of like at least five minutes, because she had been studying with him and he learned the truth and he wanted to be saved, and isn't that just a magical thing? It was so amazing to watch him transform into a new creature of God, and Hannah bless her heart was just thrilled beyond belief and I was for him and for her, because she made a difference in that person's life and possibly his destiny and I really hope that I can say that for myself one day. I want to know that I'm doing my part. But I've been given a ton of opportunities ever since I repented a few weeks ago, God has no doubt been laying opportunities all around me that are so easy for me to pick up and hopefully use to serve Him. It's no doubt Providence. Since then I've been teaching a kindergarten bible school class, a friend has been coming to church with me regularly, I was introduced to Project 7 and given a chance to spread the cause for creationism, and I also had the chance to talk with one of my teachers who disagreed and state my point of view and hopefully plant a seed... I feel like all those privileges were there before, too, but I wasn't looking for them so I couldn't see them. But it's so easy to see my place in the grand scheme of things now. It's like God has said "this is how you, Shauna Baker, can serve me" and has given me a list of things to do, and in doing so it's like our relationship is stronger than ever in the past, and I feel accomplished and not useless even though sometimes I might feel like I am misunderstood by a lot of the world, I can always trust in God to be on my side and understand exactly how I feel.
I might be back later if I find my train of thought again.

eleven

days to look forward to/days I hope will occur in 2011

1. the day I'm legal and the world takes me seriously

2. the day that I go back to Indian Creek Youth Camp

3. the day that Project 7 Days gets 1 million signatures and creationism is brought back into our schools (might take over a year but I'm excited nonetheless)

4. the day I meet my somebody who is gonna actually love me and treat me like somebody and make me see my true worth

5. the day I get accepted into Freed-Hardeman with a solid foundation (a good scholarship)

6. the day Jason Reeves releases his "Lovesick" album

7. the day I finally read House Rules by Jodi Picoult

8. the day I become a SENIOR

9. the day that I can eat anything and not get fat (not gonna happen)

10. the day that I feel I've changed a child's life

11. the day that I'm at Exposure 2011 singing praise to God and I realize that the past year has not been a waste, but that I'm stronger in Christ and I've been beneficial to His kingdom in the past year.

people that changed me in 2010

1. paige jelks

2. every soul who sang on that night of worship (december 29th) and encouraged me to "be mine no more" and give my life back to God

3. hannah elizabeth cooper

4. my mother, father, sister

5. the apostle peter (made me realize that I can make mistakes and still be a precious child of God)

6. highway 9 church of Christ, and the jacksonville church of Christ youth group

7. mary butterworth and kathryn clark

8. jessica mccord

9. kristin clevenger

10. anyone who made a stand for the faith while I was silent, and taught me to be unashamed

11. the ones who get left out, the outcasts who sit at lunch alone, those that have learned how to be unliked and are not afraid to be unpopular, those who are secure in their abnormalities compared with worldliness and are proud to be different,  those who are braver than me to be who they are and try to please no one but God almighty even if the whole world is against them.

things I wish I could take back from 2010

1. not going to 5th session backwoods

2. being in the Bible less than I should

3. being a wimp when it comes to standing up for the faith

4. getting off my diet

5. falling in love

6. stressing over small things

7. missing out on the little moments

8. gossip

9. not finishing books I started

10. missing RUSH at freed-hardeman

11. complaints

things I did right in 2010

1. wrote my sister a song

2. left bad friends for better ones

3. made my life right with God before it was too late

4. painted my walls blue and traded my humongous bed for a futon

5. bought my guitar

6. told hannah everything

7. remained a friend to someone even though it caused heartache

8. wrote my first blog

9. fell in love... yes, that's a contradiction

10. let my mom be my example

11. tried out for drum major

things I will try to do in 2011

1. keep on doing the things I did right in 2010

2. be healthy and active, but happy with myself when I'm lazy too

3. measure success by my insides and not my outsides

4. conquer my addiction with constant socialization and be happy with just me and my Bible sometimes

5. don't sweat the small stuff

6. don't complain/be more content

7. keep a smile on even when it's hard

8. lean on God

9. love without restraint or boundaries

10. have patience

11. practice to become better at everything I do, but don't stress if I'm not the best at it

songs that describe 2010 for me

1. someone somewhere, jason reeves 

2. miserably loving you, artist vs. poet 

3. god gave me you, dave barnes

4. i want to hold your hand, beatles

5. let's just fall in love again, jason castro

6. beautiful disaster, jon mclaughlin

7. if this was a movie, taylor swift

8. haven't met you yet, michael buble'

9. if you're gone, matchbox 20

10. your love is a song, switchfoot

11. something beautiful, needtobreathe

today is the first day of the rest of my life.

and I won't let a second of it go to waste.

henry

This is Henry.

(please excuse the bad quality photos)

Henry lives at Oxford lake. I was there just yesterday and I met him and thought he was just the cutest duck I'd ever seen. He let me get that close to him without running away. He kept his wings out just like this the whole time I was there, and never put them down.

When all the ducks were gathering around the edge of the lake (I'd estimate about 30 of them), I decided to have my little cutesy movie moment and ran at them while I watched them all fly off into the lake. But Henry just stood on the bank and watched, with his wings out like that, and he never moved. Not the whole time I was there. I know there is some way to make that into a motivational message but I just don't know how to right now. 

My favorite poet is Jason Reeves even though he's actually considered a singer/songwriter and not a poet. But being friends with him on facebook I get to see all his thoughts, even the ones that aren't part of a song. He's so amazing but also not incredibly well-known so he actually takes the time to put up his own pictures and reply to fan comments and everything a normal person would do on facebook. He's so human and I absolutely love that about him. The other day I wrote on his wall and when he replied to it I about had a conniption fit in Hannah's bathroom jumping up and down and squealing. I still can't believe I talked to that wonderful man. And I know I probably sound like another one of those teenage girls that completely worship famous people but honestly he's the only person that is even semi-close to fame that I actually like. He's so open and honest and he plays guitar so beautifully. I feel it's less of a crush and more of just loving the fact that he isn't the same as all the rest of the people in Hollywood that people idolize. They aren't as human or as relatable, I guess. I don't really know. But I've loved everything he's ever said and so I'm going to share some of my favorites. Some are from his songs and others are just his honest thoughts that I've happened upon through some kind of social network or whatever.

Beauty is something that shakes your perception of the world. something rare and unseen that makes a delicately powerful impression upon your heart. something real and exuding its natural brilliant light...

be brave. be bold. be vibrant and free. be wild. and let your soul sing like wind through the leaves of a billion trees.

sometimes finding someone is like switching on a light in a dark room you've been stuck in. just when you've begun to accept the suffering it vanishes instantly, as if you've woken up from a living nightmare into a beautiful dream. and you see the dark room was the same vibrant world all along, it just needed illuminating. that's what that person is. a brilliant sunbeam that changes everything.

im not sure what is a dream and what is real. or if real is a real word and if words even exist outside of our imagination..i still can’t say for certain if falling asleep is opening your eyes in the morning or closing them at night. and im lonely. but not sadly. everybody is alone. i want love like love wants love..oxygen and drifting clouds. and im not scared to be alive. these days more people are. money is an illusion. the world has been gaining some sort of momentum over "time" and every day it’s spinning faster. we are growing up too quick. someday i’ll start to. i write music because it feels like breathing. i sing because it is connection. i wish everybody would sing with me and without even gathering together sing so honestly that the songs could be carried on wind and heard at every point in the universe, even in translation. i wish there were no more bombs or bullets. and i wish we’d stop using politicians for negotiations. people are far too beautiful at heart to be introduced so cruelly into the blinding brilliant world. children. if there were to be a new beginning. would it all come out the same way again??

true love comes in many different forms. sometimes it's a flower slowly unfolding. sometimes it hits you like a bomb explodes

we are all given life as a gift to use however we choose

He has such a gift with being able to just feel and give himself over to emotions completely. I feel like there is no thought process involved with anything he says, it's all natural and simple and just true. I wish I could be that honest with myself. To just put every emotion out there without thought to being judged. To be able to be so myself and at home with my own feelings. I don't know. That man inspires me a great deal. I'm just giddy.

it's late

But who cares because it's CHRISTMAS BREAK CHRISTMAS BREAK CHRISTMAS BREAK

I have a wicker chair in my room now. I absolutely love this thing. I can lean back with a book or my laptop and suddenly I'm so peaceful, like it's a sunny day when the temperature is just right and I'm laying out by the pool. I'm thinking this is a keeper. It was in our garage because mom bought it at a yard sale but no one was using it so I called dibs. I think I made a good decision.

Here is a list of moments that I do not like:
1. That moment when you go from thinking the boy is your match made in heaven for all eternity to thinking wow, you're really sort of a jerk.
2. The moment when you know you just ate way too much and now you're miserable.
3. That moment when you realize that a friend that you thought you were really close to doesn't really care as much for you as their other friends, because they've chosen them over you.
4. The moment when you realize that something you love isn't what it appears to be.
5. Those moments when it's very clear that adults do not take me seriously.
6. The moments when I feel lonely for no apparent reason.
7. That moment when it clicks in my head that I'm not giving it my all.
8. That moment when I had to give up fairy tales.
9. That moment when you were complaining about your life, and then something hits you in the face and says "You have a mother. You have a father. You have freedom. You have cute clothes and food and talents and different shoes to wear with different things. You live an abundant life, and you're complaining?"

Here is a list of moments I do like:
1. That moment when God's plan is suddenly perfectly clear, and you can see Providence working.
2. That moment when you finally find that someone who is actually there for you, no matter what.
3. The moments when you're silly, and you know it's okay.
4. The moment that you capture a beautiful scene with a camera and you can keep it forever.
5. The moment when you see a daddy holding his daughter's hand and her sweet smile is so huge.
6. That moment when it's suddenly perfectly clear to you that you have a best friend, and that best friend is going to stay your best friend, and never change.
7. Those moments when you're happy just because.

I know I have more bad than good. My optimist side needs a kick in the rear end so maybe it'll start working harder again.

That's all the random stuff, now on to deeper subjects that actually sort of have meaning.

I'm writing my little sister a song for Christmas. It isn't finished yet but almost. This is what I have so far.

I wanna tell you the story of a girl

Her eyes paint a portrait of blue skies

But she doesn’t know

When she was younger she used to believe

And took hold of rich fantasies

And she let them fly, she let them fly

This girl, well she wishes she could be

A well-known celebrity

Loved by all that see her face

 And sometimes I wish I could take her

And show her the mirror

And let her know all I see is glamour, and grace

Every morning I wake up and hear

Her singing songs like she knows the words

Chorus:

[Haley, why can’t you see?

That I’m already your biggest fan

And you don’t to have fame

To change the world]

And I will never really understand

The love she can have for a man

That she never knew

I love listening to her stories

Make you laugh like you wouldn’t believe

That light in her eyes

I wish that I could make you realize

You’re so beautiful, and you don’t even try

[Chorus]

Oh, when will you see?

You’re everything you dreamed that you would be.

I don't think I'm some genius songwriter or anything, it's just really not my forte. I thought it would be a cute idea and I'm really inspired by Haley but even still, songwriting is really hard. Taylor Swift must have a whole lot of inspiration and creativity flowing in her brain, she could probably write about 10 songs in the time it's taken me to write this one. But I want it to be perfect. Which is why I'm not done.

But nevertheless, I'm really glad I could do this for my sister because she is just so unique and genuine and I know sometimes as a teenage girl she feels inferior, but I don't want her to feel that way. She is so beautiful and I'm quite sure that she is completely unaware of that. Maybe this will give her an idea.

Sometimes my patience runs dry with Haley because she's pretty spunky when she's in the mood. She can talk ninety-to-nothing and sometimes she isn't good at letting other people talk when she's in a talkative mood but she doesn't do it intentionally to spite me. I should really work on my patience.

I really love when Haley asks me bible questions even though I don't know the answers. That means she's interested in truth and I'm very proud of her for that. Sometimes I don't think I encourage that enough. It really is a great thing.

All in all I just want her to see how great she really is. Maybe I don't tell her enough.

I know I talk about my best friend a lot but... get over it.

Yesterday I went to Hannah's house along with Lindy Abercrombie and we spent the night snuggling on the couch with Nicolas Sparks movies and squalled our eyes out. I was really in need of some girl time. I love my friends from school but I know where I can completely open up and be completely myself, holding nothing back. It's with Hannah and Lindy. They make me feel so completely at home with myself and what I'm going through. I told them absolutely everything I could think of and got advice and  laughed so hard that even looking back I just have to smile.

If the term "soul mate" applied to best friends then Hannah would be mine. I know a lot of people might think we're weird what with how alike we are and how much time we spend together but honestly, with no rudeness intended, you just can't possibly understand. I honestly would not be here today without that girl. I have no idea who I would be. 

And I don't talk about Mrs. Darla a lot but I love her so much, too. Hannah's mom. I feel like I can approach her just as my own mom. She makes me feel so at home, which I'm very thankful for because I love their home and tend to spend a lot of time there.

I've just got so many wonderful people in my life.

If any of this made sense then I'm greatly surprised.

beginning

Today was... well, indescribable. I can't perfectly explain all the perfect assets which made it one of the greatest days ever. It simply was, and there's no denying that God's hand was at work every minute.

That's why I'm making a change. Beginning with this blog.

Maybe you paid attention and noted that on the little tabby thing below your task bar where it used to say "photographs and memories" (a name derived from a song by Jason Reeves, whose lyrics just so happen to describe my every emotion in perfect clarity; however this title had no special significance at the time, other than the fact that it's a beautiful song and the name sort of had a nice ring to it so I picked it but now I've begun an era of deep thinking), I have hereby changed the name of this blog to "on wings". Forever and ever. Because it isn't about me or my life or my problems (actually it is. my posts usually are silly irrelevant stories or thoughts that I wanted to let loose out of my brain, but stating it this way helps me to better understand the big picture). It really shouldn't be all about me. If I'm striving to be a godly influence with every aspect of my daily life, then this blog should be about the reader. It should be about maybe, hopefully, touching someone. Helping someone. It should be about the souls.

Yesterday I heard a song entitled "Something Beautiful" by needtobreathe.

The very first time I heard this song, I experienced every emotion. I wanted to laugh and cry; I was awestruck at this simple message which describes me, and probably all of us, in such great clarity.
We all want to experience something in our lives that truly takes our breath away, and captures us. We want that natural contentment that comes from true and explicit happiness. We want to love and be loved effortlessly and perfectly.
 In the video you'll a diverse collection of scenes which the fans saw as truly beautiful. They range from an aged couple still smiling in their perfect companionship, a blond angel swinging on a swing, and a spunky girl running from the safe beach into the oncoming tide. She is completely unafraid and yet her exhilarated heart tells her she is truly terrified. But she keeps running.

Tonight I also saw something beautiful. I saw the marvelous, powerful and perfect gospel of God working in the lives of young people. I saw a large audience take hold of truth and let it take hold of their hearts. I saw a young man in humble repentance, admitting that he was imperfect, letting the tide of relief and forgiveness wash over him, both unafraid and terrified but set free by God's abiding love. That's what makes life beautiful. God's grace makes life beautiful.
In every young child there is an image of God in their innocent faces and forgiving hearts. Every feeling of love that we have is a blessing from God above. The skies which so masterfully paint a beautiful picture overhead are a gift from the heavenly Father, if only we will slow down enough to admire them.

I think my favorite scene from this video is that one lone bird flying across the bright expanse of blue sky. One thing I've always admired about birds is that they seem to have great purpose. They are never in one place for long periods of time; they long to be out in the world, seeing everything in a new light from up above. I'm so jealous of them. There are days when I would give anything to be able to remove myself from the situation that I'm in. To just fly away, untouchable and unbreakable. And then I remember.

"But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings as eagles.
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

It's quite ironic that right this second, it's 11:11 P.M. I have so earnestly wished for wings of birds in the past, yet all along God was trying to provide for me a way of escape.
So it's no longer about just me, but me and God. Drawing nearer. Learning to wait.

And letting the tide of abiding love wash over me, and set me free on wings of eagles.