Original thought is very tiring.
Which is very ironic considering I enjoy writing original thoughts online, but that's much less stressful and I don't feel like I will be judged. Well I guess I am being judged, that is given someone reads this, since it is a natural human tendency to judge even though we don't intend to sometimes. But that kind of judging doesn't really matter as much as sending in an official original thought essay for Writer's Bowl competition because this could really be a great thing if I won.
I stress myself out way too easily.
This is a problem. Matt is trying to teach me how to not stress myself out but I'm really not very good at not being stressed. Wise people always told me to set goals for myself, but I think I set too many in too many different categories so that it's hard to stretch myself across all of them.
Like getting best in class drum major in competition and valedictorian and winning this Writer's Bowl thing and advancing in the line-up for tennis this year and getting All-State on flute.
And I think that if I push myself enough that I can do all these things but the reality is that I can't be best at everything even though it would be nice. I'm not best at tennis and I'm not the best drum major or the best writer or flute player or teen genius or whatever, and the people that are the best do one thing and practice hard and do really well at it. Which I would rather have fun and be semi-talented in many areas rather than spend my entire high school career doing one thing and trying to be perfect at it.
So I'm trying really hard to stop stressing about things that I cannot control. But it's very hard.
I also cannot control how people treat other people cruelly. That's one thing I'm pretty much never guilty of, I'm proud to say, but I guess some people just really have trouble respecting other people. Like the other day at school when a group of guys were harassing a girl making her dance so they could laugh at her. I know she probably isn't really all there, and she might not realize that they were making fun of her, but everyone else did notice. It made the guys look really bad and I lost all respect for them right then. I tried along with the people around me to get the girl to come talk to us instead of staying with that group of guys but they kept getting her attention and asking her to do some more dancing. Finally after about 10 minutes I was just super angry, and that's pretty rare for me because I don't get mad hardly ever but I was mad and I screamed at them. It didn't help the situation, which screaming usually doesn't and I shouldn't have but I didn't know how to make it stop.
I didn't really know what to do and even know I don't know how I should have handled that situation.
But I don't care who it is and whether they realize it or not, making fun of other people just makes you look heartless. Especially right in front of them.
I know sometimes we say if you have something to say about someone you should say it to their face, but I'm not sure whether we mean that or not. Sometimes I'm aware people might be saying things about me, but when someone walks up to my face and makes the statement and hurts my feelings I don't respect them any more than the people saying it behind my back. Sure they're more courageous but they're also less sensitive.
Well through all this I have not discovered any epiphanic (didn't know that was an adjective until now) thoughts about being an employer or important inventions, but at least I've gotten some thoughts out there.
The only invention I can think of would be internet but that's totally generic and I'm sure by the time they get to mine they'll be completely bored of hearing that. But it makes sense because these days I'm pretty much revolved around internet and it's very unhealthy. I need to make some changes.
1. Don't stress.
2. Stay off the internet and build some intellect.
3. Pray; don't try to handle things on my own.
4. Be friendly. All the time. To everybody.
5. Never let this room get that nasty again.
6. Accept myself and my abilities, and don't push what my feeble mind cannot handle.
7. Use less personal pronouns.
8. Let conversation revolve less around myself and more about others.
9. Be happy.
10. Drink less coffee and Diet Dr. Pepper before my teeth turn a serious irreversible shade of yellow.
I kept realizing more and more things to change but I don't know if I can handle that many at one time so we're gonna stick with this for now. I'll let you know how that goes.
I'm tempted to post a song that I am listening to at the moment but I'm afraid it will reveal too many of my true feelings which are to remain secret at the moment because in my mother's words I have to "play it cool."
This song describes my every emotion perfectly though, just sayin'. =) I love when that happens.
Oh by the way I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE FALL. I even love it enough to do a whole bunch of obnoxious capitalization in one sentence because it is purely the greatest season of the year. It's cooling off sometimes, and you've got football and hoodies and campfires and band competitions and everything good in life. :) I think I'd like to keep fall for a while, just a little bit cooler temperature and then it can stay as long as it likes.