les miserables

The man took three steps, and came near the lamp which stood on the table. "Stop," he exclaimed; as if he had not really been understood, "not that, did you understand me? I am a galley-slave -a convict- I am just from the galleys." He drew from his pocket a large sheet of yellow paper, which he unfolded. "There is my passport, yellow as you see. That is enough to have me kicked out wherever I go. Will you read it? I know how to read, I do. I learned in the galleys. There is a school there for those who care for it. See, here is what they have put in the passport: 'Jean Valjean, a liberated convict, native of ____,' you don't care for that, 'has been nineteen years in the galleys; five years for burglary; fourteen years for having attempted four times to escape. This man is very dangerous.' There you have it! Everybody has thrust me out; will you receive me? Is this an inn? Can you give me something to eat, and a place to sleep? Have you a stable?"

"Madam Magloire," said the bishop, "put some sheets on the bed in the alcove."

the difference between everything and nothing at all

this summer I've read a whole lot and I realize only two books are represented here but that's because they're both genius. this is my periodical nerd blog so just go with it

"And now the old story has begun to write itself over there," said Carl softly. "Isn't it queer: there are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before; like the larks in this country, that have been singing the same five notes over for thousands of years."
- O Pioneers!


"She often repeated her prayers; not at particular times, but, like the unaffectedly devout, when she desired to pray. Her prayer was always spontaneous, and often ran thus, "O deliver my heart from this fearful gloom and loneliness; send me great love from somewhere, else I shall die."
- The Return of the Native


"The age of modern man is to be measured by the intensity of his history."
- The Return of the Native


"Well, whatever I may have thought, one thing is certain- I do love you- past all compass and description. I love you to oppressiveness- I, who have never before felt more than a pleasant passing fancy for any woman I have ever seen. Let me look right into your moonlit face and dwell on every line and curve in it! Only a few hairbreadths make the difference between this face and faces I have seen many times before I knew you; yet what a difference- the difference between everything and nothing at all."
- The Return of the Native

beautiful bride

new things are happening and old things have ceased happening and things that i don't completely understand are happening

life is moving forward and it excites me

when i was a little girl, kristin and i walked the circle of our grandparents' yard for hours one night. she had her very first boyfriend and was venting about how silly he was. she was in seventh grade i think so i was only in third. i thought i knew everything. i thought there was no one better on earth for kristin to go to for dating advice than myself. i wanted to feel important. i wanted her to need me.

kristin's getting married and that boy has such a treasure

i've started having a simple bible study every night with my friend dustin, we pick a chapter (we're in hebrews now) and we simply discuss the major points and what spoke the most to us, and it's not hard at all to do but it puts me in such a wonderful mood and i like having that connection with someone. he inspires me so much because he's off working very hard leveling a school and he's exhausted every night but he never forgets to remind me about our bible study. i just love him. he's awesome.

there are so many truly inspirational people in my life that i cannot begin to tell you about them all. lindy abercrombie is one. one day i'm going to write an entire blog about her and you just wouldn't believe how amazing that girl is. everytime i see her she's talking to someone about their life and it's almost never about hers, which makes me kind of sad, but she's just the kind of person who will always ask about you and never bring herself or her issues into conversation because she puts others above herself. she has such a good heart. that kind of heart which is naturally good. it seems so natural and becoming to her.

i wanna be just like her. in every way.

you know how "famous people" make all kinds of money and have glamorous lives and all? i feel so sorry for them. because lives like lindy's are the kind that are famous in the way that is most important. when she gets a boyfriend or loses/gains weight it isn't written across some magazine because those are silly reasons to be recognized. but she's famous to me. and in 40 years she's a name i will remember.

i think i'm overloaded from lack of blogging. i like this quote:

‎"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

13 whys

why

...can i not stand up for myself?

...do i judge?

...is it so hard to tell the truth under tough circumstances?

...do i pretend i'm comfortable when i'm not?

...do i constantly say the wrong thing with the right intentions?

...am i condescending?

...do i over-analyze?

...can't i look for positive traits instead of faults?

...do i forget to pray?

...do i worry over little things?

...do i forget to cherish friendships?

...don't i realize how blessed i am?

...does God forgive me constantly?

...are people always looking for things to complain about?

...do i judge people for complaining when i do it all the time?

(this started with just 13 but now i have more to add)

why... do wonderful people let themselves be put down and ridiculed by people they "love"?

...is love an excuse to act carelessly and thoughtlessly rather than trying to build your partner up?

...do doritos have to leave a gross residue on your fingers? otherwise they'd be so good

...didn't I invent the little basket that holds your book in place while you ride a stationary bike?

...didn't I ever think of using it as a laptop holder instead?

i have amazing revelations all the time and this is a really good one


i like giving advice even though sometimes i have no idea what to say. it's good to be confided in. i like when people i wouldn't expect to even think much of my opinion come to me for advice. it's a great feeling to be needed.

i need people. as much as it kills me to admit. i want to be this independent girl who never lets anything tear her to pieces but i'm not her and no matter what i do i can't be her. i was reading reader's digest today and i saw an article on weight loss which totally massacred society's views on dieting and told me fat was good and counting calories is stupid and exercise means nothing and that for some people, diets just don't work and they never will. it's chemically impossible. and while i don't exactly believe all of that it was an eye opener because it made me think about the way God made me and the way He made you and that we're constantly wanting to change change change everything about us but what if we can't? what if every effort we make is futile and we're always going to be the way we are? that's why I think I should be happy being a size 10 or size 4 (although we can obviously see which I would prefer ergo this bike i'm riding right now) or any size in between because if I'm the way I am it wasn't an accident, God planned it and said to Himself "this is what my child, Shauna Baker, will look like and act like and feel like. she won't always be confident in herself and her neck will turn red when she speaks in front of crowds. she'll try to please everyone even when it means not being truly honest or true to her heart. she'll become too attached to things that are not permanent and sometimes she won't be as respectful as she should to her parents. she'll worry about chemistry tests and the size of her thighs and she'll rely too much on wordly opinions sometimes. but she's gonna try hard to fix all those things, and I'm going to help her, and I'm going to forgive her, and I'm going to love her."

I love God's forgiveness. I don't know how or why He does it, but He does, and it's forever, and it's amazing

i have lots of good things going on. i have great friends. hannah and i had the first heart to heart in a very long time last night. sometimes i'm a bad best friend. i'm glad she's forgiving. she completes my thoughts... it's so strange and wonderful all at once. and now matt and i are getting closer and he's confiding in me and i confide in him and we're active in this new christian organization at school (which is fantastic and i love it) and we get to have god talks more and he's just wonderful and i like having him in my life a great deal. and i have my lindy, and she is just the sweetest girl and a beautiful role model for anyone in this world. she brings me closer to God and our boy talks, especially when Hannah and us get together, are pretty epic.

and then I have this boy, tyler garrett, who was once my best friend and still is except now it's on a whole new level that i absolutely love. I have rediscovered my butterflies and if you had told me a month ago this was gonna happen then i would have laughed in your face but it happened and i don't wanna go back at all. i feel beautiful because of him. he's truly wonderful.

so i have all these wonderful people and sometimes i don't appreciate them but, my lanta, i don't know where in this world i would be without them.

wuthering heights makes me so angry because everyone is marrying the wrong people and that's my ultimate fear in life and now someone's already dead and she never married the right man and i'm just angry and sad. jane eyre tops it by about a trillion points right now. i hate when people that are in love don't marry each other. it's like missing the mark. it's second only to missing heaven. if you miss the love of your life then who's gonna help you get to heaven?

okay, that's a different blog post. and i think thoughts have ceased for now

stumble

i have a new addiction and it's called stumbleupon.com

this is possibly the most adorable thing i've ever seen, it's like a book worm's heaven. i would have to get a lot more books for mine to look that nifty but i still want one so bad

p.s. sorry for everyone that just lost the game, i couldn't take that off

and if you didn't see that until now... haha, you just lost :)

about love and decisions

I am starting with this but if you hate reading and despise even the word "book" then have no fear, I actually have time to express deep thoughts tonight so just skip right on down

3. If you want to know what the book is about and all that then you can go read a review because I really don't get any thrill from writing a whole synopsis but honestly just READ IT because it was adorable.
If you plan to read the book, please skip down past this paragraph because I would hate to spoil the ending for you: I love the unconventional romance, the one where boy and girl don't meet date kiss get engaged have a fight but make-up get married the end. That's very sweet and all but it isn't realistic that all love is that way in the real world. Life doesn't always let us live our ideal fairytale. It has its own story to write and you just have to settle with being the character. Love doesn't follow a pattern. I love the fantastic idea of a man who grows to love a woman unconditionally, even after she has moved away married and had eleven children. He visits her home and befriends her husband and tells her children how in love with their mother he once was (the reader knows that he most definitely still loves her deeply, but perhaps the children didn't notice this). He is never bitter, he is happy simply having her memory, having his past growing up with her and running through the cornfield and down abandoned paths together. That's wonderful to me. Magical, even.
My absolute favorite line from the book is:

"Do you know, Antonia, since I've been away, I think of you more often than of anyone else in this part of the world. I'd have liked to have you for a sweetheart, or a wife, or my mother or my sister- anything that a woman can be to a man. The idea of you is a part of my mind; you influence my likes and dislikes, all my tastes, hundreds of times when I don't realize it. You really are a part of me."


I believe at that point was when I was the closest to tears. To think of how someone can love so much, in no particular sense, as in a friend or lover or any other stereotypical relationship between people, but simply for themselves. To simply know that someone is such a part of your life, not because of who they are but because of who you are because of them. It's beautiful.

Okay, so that's book number three this year. Time for a subject chance.
I'm very indecisive. You've noticed, I'm very sure. I change my mind constantly, it's quite scary to tell you the truth. I've made it a point to wait at least one week after forming an opinion before I make any life altering decisions. I think this system will work quite nicely. If I made rash decisions based on my fleeting changes of opinion then I probably would have quit band during marching season and I'd be miserable now. I could be homeschooled and I would miss school and the people there terribly. I would either be dating someone I really didn't like or I'd have to break-up after realizing that I was completely crazy at the time of initiating that relationship, and I might lose great friends in the process. So you see that this is a very dangerous characteristic that I possess. It's powerful. I feel like I'm holding a lethal weapon and I have to handle it very carefully. But that's a bit dramatic I guess.

I'm not on the tennis team anymore. That was a very scary decision to make. But I waited a long time, I thought about it forever and ever and asked the opinion of pretty much everyone I knew. People I was close to like Matt was just like "Shauna, you need to quit" and I really appreciated that honest opinion that he gives me. I don't like "listen to your heart" or "just do what makes you happy", though I'm very thankful to those that gave me that advice. It just wasn't quite the kick in the rear that I needed.

So now I have time, and I get to do new things with it, and that excites me. I want to take pictures read books go to youth days play guitar go to soccer games and all those things I really don't have a lot of time for. It's very very exciting to have time.

I love my mom. I respect her opinion more than anyone else. She can see right through me, and I don't like it sometimes but she knows how to tell me exactly what I don't want to hear but I know is true. I really appreciate that. Tonight we went walking and talked for an hour about her high school boyfriends and I laughed until I thought I would cry, those are my favorite chats. Anytime I am feeling indecisive I talk to Mom and she always gets it right. She can give me the facts of the situation without having to give me her opinion, and that way it's all my decision but she helps things be so much clearer. I don't tell her enough that I love her.

I think my random thoughts have ceased

good reads

This blog can't be very long because I have a headache from staring into the screen for so long book shopping
I used to use weread.com and record all the books I've read and what not, but I was completely disappointed and bored with it. It recommended books that had nothing to do with the books I was reading, nor were they even popular books. And the reviews I read were very limited and the people who wrote them sounded extremely informal. Like perhaps they got the e mixed up with 3 and forgot that "you" isn't spelled like u and "yours" isn't urs and no offense if that's the boat you float on but I really just have no desire to take advice on intelligent literature when using correct grammar seems to be such a hassle.
So I found goodreads.com and now I can't stay away. I'm in love. Finding books is easy because they are separated into lists like "best books of the 20th century" and "books of the decade" and I can scroll through and see all the big titles that I've been hearing throughout the past few years but never actually knew what they were about. And people write awesome reviews. Like entire essays, but they don't spoil the book. I have like 30 new books that I'm dying to read just from reading reviews.
Some I already knew I wanted to read and others I had never heard of. Lately I've been on a classic novel kick and I'm reading My Antonia by Willa Cather and starting Jane Eyre and now I'm just ready to read every classic novel ever published.
But anyway, considering my headache I'm just going to show you some of the books I found and give a tip for those of us who honestly enjoy books- this website is pretty legit.

Also, I started this challenge thing where I state how many books I want to read in 2011 and my goal was 40, but I got started late so I've only read two so far. I'll do better though.

 1. loved. it was so cute. a journalist from london begins corresponding with a book club in Guernsey and learn about all their experiences during the holocaust. it sounds like it would be thoroughly depressing but it really wasn't at all. i love all the cute little love stories going on between the lines. i love it because her love story it isn't blunt, it grows on you. kind of like the love comes softly series. and i seriously laughed until i almost cried at the end.

 2. loved. there's no way that i'm qualified to review books, especially mark twain. but i honestly loved this book and if i ever read a book twice this would be one i would choose. i had to read it for school but i'm really glad that i did. it's one of my favorites now.

and now on to all the books I want to read...