Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I'm afraid of this stranger.
I don't know what in the world possessed me to be so brave yesterday but now I'm back to being scared Shauna again...
I planted the Word in his heart, so is that enough?
Do I need to continue to try and feed that initial conversation about God, only to put myself at risk?
The answer would be a no.
I'm not gonna be that girl that trusts the wrong person and ends up being hurt.
No thank you.
I'll stick to my friends that I have met in person and I actually trust to be what they say they are.
Sure, you say that you're a teenager, but how should I know?
I'm sure old creepers can learn teenager language. It isn't hard.
And you could have easily enough learned about one of my ex-boyfriends and used him as an excuse.
Which is crazy in itself because I don't think that person would ever give my number away like that.
That's a ludicrous idea.
So no, mister stranger, I will not continue to converse with you.
Even though you said I can call you "Red".
Somehow that is not very comforting.
I can picture a creeper being called "Red."
Why not use your real name? Is it because a nickname isn't as easily checked out?
Is this supposed to make you seem somehow more relatable, because I don't call you by your real name?
No thanks, I'll pass. If you want to meet me you can meet me the real way.

In other news I have a major huge A.P. History test tomorrow that will be worth over 200 points and a list of terms the size of gigantor but somehow I still feel the need to take a blogging break.
This could be an indication of poor prioritizing skills.
I also had a long chat with Hannah but that was necessary because I had to get her advice on this whole stranger situation. She told me that I should be more careful. She always makes so much more sense than I do.
And I know that I'm stressing about this test. I will be stressing about this test even if I stay up all night staring at the terms. I'M A STRESSER. Yes, me. Badly. If I ever had to be sent to therapy that would be my prime reason.
But I'm also a bad person to cope with stress, because I don't do it by studying. Actually I was doing very well until stranger texted me and sent me into a freak-out meltdown and I had to talk to Hannah. Then I knew I should blog to confirm that I was serious about not texting back. When I type it, it's permanent. I can't go back when the words are staring me in the face. Otherwise it was just a decision on instinct and I can go back on my word. But not when I blog it. That's for real.

I have an addiction with caffeine. I don't know if that's what you would call it, because I don't necessarily need caffeine, because it has no effect on me anymore. I've had 6 cups of coffee in the past 2 hours but I still manage to fall asleep while studying A.P. History. I think that's a sign that a) drinking 6 cups of coffee is a much too regular occurrence and b) my mental capacity is not one to easily grasp history. It's not that I don't like history, I just find it hard to retain the information that I read and make application of it. If I can't apply it to NOW then I find it hard to remember facts and dates and people. They seem so unimportant when compared to things that are happening right here and now. But I need to study.

I find myself to be very easily distracted...

I really love rainy days. They are normally most enjoyed when I can enjoy a wonderful book with a great cup of coffee in my favorite sweatpants, but sadly I only got the last 2 parts today. And I don't enjoy the coffee anymore, in fact my head and tummy are screaming at me to stop. But I still love sweatpants. I think they are cute and comfty so why not wear them all the time? Yes I do. :)
When we were in Gatlinburg I went clearance book shopping and bought 9 books for around $25 :D I will have the most epic Christmas break reading extravaganza of all time.

I just lied via blog. I really didn't text the guy back the first time. But then he said I seem like a nice person, and if I don't want to talk anymore it's okay.
I had to preserve that opinion of myself while informing him that it's just way too weird.
Hope no one has turned against me.
I'm still not caving.
I'm trying to picture a scraggly old red-headed creeper man with a big beard that wants me to keep talking to him.
Yep, that helped. You can use that mental image for yourself if you like. It helps.

I'm going to be studious now, sorry for my scattered and sometimes probably unintelligible thoughts.

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