Saturday, December 25, 2010


It's beautiful outside and I love life and I love family and I love drinking coffee and watching the snow coat the lawn.

I can't wait to have a house and a family someday. Even though that is such a sobering thought because I'm going to be in charge of at least four more little lives besides my own (five if you include my Great Dane). It's scary but also extremely exciting. My house is going to be decorated to the max for every single season. Especially Christmas time makes me think about this because I just love going into houses where the Christmas spirit absolutely envelops you and you just feel so jolly. I think decorating my house is going to be one of the most fun things about being an adult. We will have a huge Christmas tree and every year we will add an ornament for every child and they'll each have their own stockings hanging from the mantle. I want everything to match from the dish towels to the place mats on the table. I wanna be "that mother" who records every single moment of their kids lives and even though it drives them absolutely crazy at the time, when they get to be a teenager they will appreciate it, if they're anything like me. I know I should be enjoying the here and now but I just can't help but be excited. Adult life really excites me, if you haven't noticed already.

I love birds. I think they are probably my favorite animal (notice I didn't say pet). They're so beautiful to watch in the open air but having one in my room... I'm pretty sure I would want to kill it after like a day. The other day I was at the tennis courts and all of a sudden from the trees there comes this flood of birds and they all fly over the court and cover the ENTIRE sky. Like seriously all I could see were black birds. And then they just formed this nice little V and I watched them fly away. That whole experience just screamed the existence of God to me. I think that's so convicting to see such beautiful masterpieces in nature like a bird's nature to fly together. It's probably one of the most convicting things to me along with the human body. I can't deny God's hand in that. Which is why sometimes I find it hard to try to convince people there is a God because if that doesn't speak to you and say there is a creator then I don't think many things will.

this only shows some of the birds I saw. i couldn't fit them all in one picture. they cover the entire lawn.

I just sang Haley's song to her and I got EXACTLY the reaction I was hoping for which is her jumping up and down and hugging me, and I'm just so thankful that she's so happy (to view Haley's song go here I know I'm not a legit songwriter and I probably didn't express all my thoughts exactly right or in an eloquent way but I hope she at least got the message that she is beautiful and I love her. 

I cannot adequately express to you how much I hate pessimism. It just grieves my soul within to talk to someone who is looking on the bad side of things. Especially when it's ALL the time. Pessimistic people are never happy. I heard a story in a teen book in bible class about a vulture and a hummingbird. I guess you wouldn't really call it a story, more of a life situation. The vulture seeks the dead. He searches all over the earth for things that are decaying and rotten. But the hummingbird looks for flowers and sweet nectar. He searches for things that are blooming and living and giving new life. And in each situation, both get exactly what they are looking for.
So I took this as if I'm always searching for the negative aspects of life then negative results is the only thing I will reap out of that.
I really love optimism. I figure that since we each have a right to dictate our own emotions that means we all have a right to be happy. All the time. And you may be thinking that we really can't control our emotions which is also true. I should have phrased that better... What I mean is, we can do with our emotions what we want. Just because we're angry doesn't mean we have to go punch a wall or punch a face. Being annoyed doesn't mean we have to lash out and be rude to people. So if a situation turns bad and we're upset about it... well, I guess what I mean is, we don't have to dwell on the negative parts of the situation. We can control our thoughts even though we can't control our emotions, and by changing our thoughts (our outlook) we are in term really changing our mood and our emotions. And we can do this because happy isn't an "it". It doesn't depend on the things you possess or a perfect place you are in, or even a person that you love. "Happy" doesn't have to end when you get dumped by your boyfriend, betrayed by a close friend, burn your house down, break every bone in your body, or anything else horrible that you can think of. It doesn't have to end because it isn't dictated by material, earthly things. "Happy" is a conscious decision that we make to be content in every situation that we are in. Now believe me, I am NOT an expert at this and I am just as susceptible to complaining as anyone else when I'm put in a bad situation. Because I make mistakes and sometimes I forget that I can be happy regardless. But there's a difference in falling off the wagon and jumping off the wagon pulling everyone else off with you and pushing it off a cliff on a regular basis (Lieutenant Flynn said something to that effect on Closer last night and I really liked it, even though he was not talking about optimism but I believe the rule applies anyway). You don't have to look on the bad side ALL THE TIME. I just can't imagine how people can stand that. You would never ever be content with anything and that just sounds like misery to me.
That's the end of my rant and now my thoughts have ceased for now.

No comments:

Post a Comment