girl

i've always said how much i love being a girl. i love being the weaker sex, the one to be chased and treasured. emotional and compassionate and sensitive. being able to cry in books and give hugs just because.

i've now entered the real world. the world where sometimes, no matter what good things i do or say or how kind or generous or intelligent i am, i will only be something to look at. some will never take the opportunity to know my heart; they will go no deeper than my skin. i hate that.

cute shoes

i never blog anymore. but maybe that's good because it means life has other things for me to do

i really enjoy blue gatorade. quite obsessively, actually. and cream cheese & chives crackers (and not only because of that amazing alliteration)

and finally an excerpt from one of the greatest conversations ever:
"i hate cute shoes that are uncomfortable! they're so tempting but so evil..."
"yield not to temptation baby!"
"i know! i gotta step it up, resist the shoes and maybe they will flee from my closet..."
"you can wear them to church"
"they need to be in church!"

apathy

i'll tell you right now what is poisoning the minds of young people and old people and white people and black people and rich people and poor people you wanna know what it is? APATHY. that's it. it's all about apathy. failing and cheating and stealing and lying and the usual do-nothing-ness is all apathy. i wish i could just stuff some CARE into the brain of every young person. just fill it with a lot of CARE. it doesn't even matter to me what it is, just care about something. care about trees or care about your momma or care about God like i wish everyone would but just stop not caring about anything at all, ever, period. and stop doing things we hate. why do we do the things we hate? when we have a maximum 100 years to live on this earth why in the world would we do anything we absolutely hate when there are a million other things to try that we might love? stop sitting in the desk or on the church pew or on the football field or band field or wherever you go all the time if you don't CARE about it. because for the people that do care it's a very big discouragement to be surrounded by those who don't.

i care about a lot of things and i care about people who don't care and i just want you to know that for pete's sake, there ARE beautiful things in life and things become infinitely more enjoyable if you will just give them a chance. i promise school is bearable when you try not to fail, it can actually be quite pleasant sometimes and sitting on a church pew might be boring but worshipping God with all your heart in spirit and in truth surely isn't. and if you hate band or you hate football or you hate everything about your life, then quit what you're doing and do something you love because you only get one chance at this thing and you might as well give it the best shot you've got

hruoferngheruhoiuerhgoreughnoera i'm done.

mr. perfect

so once upon a time, there was a guy who hates scary movies and mayonnaise and calls me beautiful... and lame on other occasions... but he looks real cute in green and always says yes ma'am and holds my hand when we pray and makes me believe that yeah, there might actually be somebody out there MADE for me.

and as for "the end"... well, i'm hoping that isn't anytime soon

job

"I think one day, you and Job will probably be best friends"
- Haley

I love her.

getting it together

sometimes i wish i had it all together. the strong warrior, the one who is down but knows how to get back up, the one who laughs at all the right times and prays at all the right times. the one who doesn't doubt or judge and knows how to turn a frown upside down. the one that stops people mid-sentence when they realize that they can't talk like that around her.

i'm still finding me, and maybe little by little i'm finding out how to become the person that God already sees.

filtering

if i were a song writer i'd get tired of writing song after song about love and breaking up and partying all night long, plus i know that's not the only things that ever cross people's minds like what about chocolate and the way little babies laugh and shapes in the clouds. i'd write it about abraham lincoln or good books or the sky or the way that driving through falling leaves kind of feels like i'm in a spaceship zooming through outerspace

i think i make less and less sense as i grow older, or maybe that's growing up, realizing that your thoughts don't always fit into cute quotes you can find on google or song lyrics, not always trying to filter your thoughts and saying what you think even if you've never heard anyone else think that before. maybe you become more and more you as you become less and less like everyone else