Thursday, June 14, 2012


I think my weakness is fault finding. Or call it judging, if you want. That doesn't seem to call it just right. It isn't so much a measuring of the individual but rather imagining a better scenario with perfect human beings, or imagining myself placed in that individual's position and how my actions would always be better than theirs. Seeing other people's faults.

It scares me that finding my own faults is actually a pretty hard thing to do. I know we profess all the time that "I'm not perfect, I've got flaws" but do we ever actually meditate on what our flaws might be? It's hard. We don't get to watch ourselves live our lives. Just like when you think "oh, I look pretty cute today" and then somebody takes pictures and looking back you're thinking "wow, I so did not look cute that day" or when you're singing in the car and feeling like a rockstar but listening to a recording of you singing... yeah, I'm so not a rockstar. But nobody is recording my life to play it back to me. I've gotta figure this thing out by myself.

So I guess it's natural. To want to fix things, and to see so clearly where other people are doing life wrong, to want to show them a better way. But that's missing the point I guess.

I lied, I said I've gotta figure this thing out by myself but that's completely impossible. I need God to help me figure it out.

I gotta get past trying to make the world better until I figure out how to make me better

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