Sunday, April 15, 2012

puzzle pieces

I think life is composed of transition. I used to think that there were only humongous transitions like SAVED and MARRIED and BABIES and RETIREMENT but that turned out to be not true at all. A lot of things I used to think have turned out to be not true at all. Maybe life is composed of those realizations too.

I just got back from my very last honor band. To most people that sounds about as significant as losing a sock but to me it felt like a part of me died, quite literally. Because I'm me when I'm at honor band. So I feel like that part of me died. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I did cry a little bit.

But really I didn't intend to talk about honor band, I was gonna talk about this one song we played. I say we: this band composed of extraordinary musicians that I somehow came to be a part of played this song. And I knew during the 11 hours that we rehearsed that I would have to cry when I heard that song for the last time. And sure enough, I did. Funny how I can gauge my emotions like that, I think I'm beginning to get to know myself better.

That song was so beautiful, and I think it really summed up why honor band is such a part of me. You take 170 people and bottle up all their passion and then everything is silent and then the silence breaks with all of our passions flowing together. And I really think in that moment I got this little puzzle piece for my soul that God saw I was missing. So I cried. I played horribly. But it was worth it.

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