mayday

i am terrified of

1. divorce
2. inadequacy
3. mistakes that can't be fixed
4. intruders
5. disappointing the people i love
6. being deceived
7. being fallen-out-of-love with
8. marrying the wrong person
9. losing faith
10. missing my chance

i'm very sad today. i haven't seen tyler all day long and now i don't think i will get to and i didn't realize how very pathetically and completely i rely on him to cheer me up during the day. it's really sad. when i haven't seen him in a long time it feels like loneliness is eating up my insides.

i almost went crazy today. nobody was at school and everyone wanted to know why in the world i was there and why i wasn't out decorating for prom.

who in the world ever said it was a crime to not go to prom? honestly, it's outright ridiculous everything i've been through today. I had a teacher call me to the side and tell me that I showed poor leadership skills by not going to prom, and that as a prominent leader of my class it is my obligation to attend prom and all such functions.
apparently, "being a leader" now entails following what's popular and what everyone else is doing instead of listening to your heart, and not being afraid to step out in your own direction.
that's just a tad bit ironic to me.

i'm frustrated and i need a hug and i miss everyone so much.
i'm sorry for being a downer.