hello

I am plan b.

who i am

i am a seventeen year old mistake maker and debtor. i am of the all who have "sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" and of those who should receive "the wages of sin, which is death".

but i am set free. because "there is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."

i am a Christian. i am a follower of Christ and a student of God's word. i am in Christ Jesus because I am in the church of which He is head, "which is His body"

i have no qualification; i am neither a "baptist" or "methodist" or even a "church-of-christer" Christian, because i find no such qualifications in His Word. however unpopular this idea might be, i find that Christ promised to build His church and that there is "one body", which is His church. my Lord prayed that believers may "all be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in you; that they may also be one in Us" and Paul pleaded to "all who in every place call on the name of Jesus Christ our Lord" that we all "speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment" and what could be classified as division but denominations, which in its very definition mean division?

if this unity were not possible my Savior would not have prayed for it and Paul would not have commanded it through Holy inspiration

and so i belong to Christ Jesus. i do not belong to John Smyth or the pope or John Wesley, for Paul said that he heard of those saying "I am of Paul" or "I am of Apollos" or "I am of Cephas" and Paul asked "Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?"

these men did not die for my sins and I belong to no one's "church" but Christ's. for i know that "not everyone who says to Me 'Lord, Lord' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven." i am not a member of a denomination, i am a member of Christ's church because "for by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body", Christ's body, the church, in which "there is no condemnation"

i am "a living sacrifice". i am "transformed". i am "a peculiar people".

i am a sinner and saved, an imperfect girl with a Perfect Savior who says "In My Father's house are many mansions... I go to prepare a place for you"

the difference between everything and nothing at all

this summer I've read a whole lot and I realize only two books are represented here but that's because they're both genius. this is my periodical nerd blog so just go with it

"And now the old story has begun to write itself over there," said Carl softly. "Isn't it queer: there are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before; like the larks in this country, that have been singing the same five notes over for thousands of years."
- O Pioneers!


"She often repeated her prayers; not at particular times, but, like the unaffectedly devout, when she desired to pray. Her prayer was always spontaneous, and often ran thus, "O deliver my heart from this fearful gloom and loneliness; send me great love from somewhere, else I shall die."
- The Return of the Native


"The age of modern man is to be measured by the intensity of his history."
- The Return of the Native


"Well, whatever I may have thought, one thing is certain- I do love you- past all compass and description. I love you to oppressiveness- I, who have never before felt more than a pleasant passing fancy for any woman I have ever seen. Let me look right into your moonlit face and dwell on every line and curve in it! Only a few hairbreadths make the difference between this face and faces I have seen many times before I knew you; yet what a difference- the difference between everything and nothing at all."
- The Return of the Native

yale

I got a letter from yale a few months ago and they just sent me a book telling me all about their college and how it's the best of the best of the best and I should go there, and even though it wasn't like "hello, you're amazing and we want to pay you to come here!" it was more like "hello Shauna, we've been notified of your academic achievements blah blah blah it still costs $50,000 per year to come here", still I felt so important because I got a letter with MY name on it from a college, and not just any college but it's stinkin YALE and I could've done a cartwheel, not to brag because they send out stuff like that all the time to all sorts of kids but still, I don't think excitement on receiving it is too cocky of me and if it is well then I apologize and I'll continue talking like it's just me here because basically it is

Has anyone else noticed that was one sentence? I just did, literally, like right now

So obviously my chances at getting into an ivy league school are looking pretty slim but maybe they look for abnormal, creative, insightful people so my paragraph sentence with a good enough argument to explain my reasoning might actually work in my favor. William Faulkner pulled it off so I don't see why periods should be such a big deal when there's such an awesome thought going on, why stop it? I believe insightful thoughts such as that are precisely what would distinguish me at an establishment such as that

But really people, I'm just ready to do something. Like I know I'm supposed to be satisfied with sitting within cement walls learning about things that a) I already know b) the teacher is reading out of a book and I will forget 5 minutes after the test or c) I'm not learning at all, I'm being suffocated by my idleness and feeling completely and utterly useless and can feel my mind actually deteriorating inside of me

Okay maybe that was a bit dramatic but really, that's just not it for me. I'm totally not afraid to go and live in a foreign country when I don't even know the language, or apply to an Ivy League school where I know I'll never be accepted but I just want to try anyway. I want to GO, I don't even care where but just don't try to put any boundaries because I want to go past those

Right now, Freed-Hardeman University is where my heart lies. It's like I have some kind of homing device inside of me screaming "go go go that's where you belong and you can become yourself, you need to be there" and of course it's because it's a Christian university and countless opportunities are there but that isn't even the only reason, I don't even know all the reasons and couldn't name them if I tried, it just feels like home already, like that's exactly where my puzzle piece fits

This life isn't home and I know I'll never be satisfied until I make it to heaven, but I've been given a life on Earth and my sole occupation will NOT be to sit within concrete walls and have my sense of adventure suffocated by the low standards that our society has set for teenagers. Our society pretty much says "yeah, you're a teenager so you're supposed to cheat on tests and get wasted on weekends and LIVE IT UP (i love that expression, that oxymoron just slaps you in the face doesn't it)" but last time I checked the Bible never said "and whilst you are a teenager you shall forsake everything I've commanded Christians to do because you just aren't ready yet, you're a BABY Christian, you don't have responsibilities" nope I'm pretty sure my Lord never said that, in fact He said "GO INTO ALL THE WORLD" and I'm not saying that staying in your hometown for your entire life is a sin, but sitting around being idle and not taking opportunities to glorify God is. and I don't feel bad about saying that

I don't know how in the world I got on the soap box but now I'm back and I took the detoured trip around my point to say this:

Life is more than this. I know it is. God has more for me and I'm ready to go find it.