new blog

for when i'm feeling crafty, adventurous, wistful, and just plain happy

click here to visit


i suppose this blog is reserved for whiny days

career

i want to wake up early because i'm excited to go to work

i want to do something different every day

i want to write

i want to talk

i want to see children

i want to hold the hand of the elderly

i want to speak with the sick

i want to be smiled at

i want to travel

i want to have a snuggly, homey home

i want to see my kids in the afternoons

i want to laugh

i want to be in charge

i want to dress up

i want to make people feel better

i want to be creative

i want to be spontaneous

i want to create new ideas

i want to keep people safe

i want work to be work and home to be home

do i even want to work?

i want to cook good food and teach my children to be ladies and gentlemen and make homemade Christmas presents

i want to write cards

i want to video and memorialize my children's lives

i want to do things

i want to be my best


so if anyone has a career to go with that, you can let me know

tonight i want to cry because we're the church, and some person may only catch one glance of the church, and it will be your facebook status about how God hates sinners, and they will turn away

and all the while we spread hate, other people are trying to find love in other places

they can't have love without Jesus. stop making them look other places.

let them see the love in you

hmm

I never feel the need to blog anymore.

Except just now, when I realized that I never blog anymore. So I'll do what I normally do when I can't figure out the answer to something. I'll blog about it.

Possible reasons why Shauna has stopped blogging:

1. I am becoming more independent, no longer needing the attention of an undetermined audience to solve my problems or absorb my irritation, but learning to solve my problems and quench my irritation on my own.

2. I'm becoming less sure of myself, uncomfortable with expressing my deepest thoughts in fear that I will be judged. *dun dun dun*

3. I forget.

4. I rarely sit down at my laptop anymore since my recent acquisition of a smart phone.

5. I like change. I get bored with stuff. Maybe I got bored with blogging.

6. I'm possessed of a devil that wants me to bottle emotion rather than express it.

7. I'm learning to express myself to actual people rather than to said undetermined audience.

8. Blogging ceased solving my problems, such as in this case in which I am definitely more befuddled now than I was before I decided to blog about it.

weaknesses

I think my weakness is fault finding. Or call it judging, if you want. That doesn't seem to call it just right. It isn't so much a measuring of the individual but rather imagining a better scenario with perfect human beings, or imagining myself placed in that individual's position and how my actions would always be better than theirs. Seeing other people's faults.

It scares me that finding my own faults is actually a pretty hard thing to do. I know we profess all the time that "I'm not perfect, I've got flaws" but do we ever actually meditate on what our flaws might be? It's hard. We don't get to watch ourselves live our lives. Just like when you think "oh, I look pretty cute today" and then somebody takes pictures and looking back you're thinking "wow, I so did not look cute that day" or when you're singing in the car and feeling like a rockstar but listening to a recording of you singing... yeah, I'm so not a rockstar. But nobody is recording my life to play it back to me. I've gotta figure this thing out by myself.

So I guess it's natural. To want to fix things, and to see so clearly where other people are doing life wrong, to want to show them a better way. But that's missing the point I guess.

I lied, I said I've gotta figure this thing out by myself but that's completely impossible. I need God to help me figure it out.

I gotta get past trying to make the world better until I figure out how to make me better

while drinking milk

I'm feeling blogsy. Very blog-esque today. This could be dangerous.

Hey guess what? I will never be a high school student ever ever again. Did you catch that? I'm moving on up in the world.

Lately I've been quite obsessed with stalking a thread/staying in a chatroom with my fellow freshie freedies. They're all so cute. Such cute people.

I bought an amazing combination of comforter/sheets/pillow/BODY pillow (love whoever invented that, probably a woman) and it's all just so cute that I just giggle looking at it. And it matches but not really, which is the best feeling ever. I feel like a real lady.

Also I found a way to stack my t-shirts in my drawers in such a way that twice as many fit and you can see every. single. one. How magical.

Did I mention I'm SO READY FOR COLLEGE



Shout-out to all those amazing freedie freshies. You're my favorites.

I live in a country who murders her own children.

That's SICK, America. It's so SICK. And you know what else is sick? We talk about the mound of shoes in our closets and what in the world we're gonna do with all of them and who slept with who and who's wearing what and how we need to feed these poor starving children overseas and that's all just great but four thousand babies died in America today because we're not talking about THAT enough. Four thousand.

I promise you my life is gonna be about more than buying more shoes to fill my closet and raising pretty little perfect children and training them to ignore the world around them because it's impolite to talk about those sad things. They better be warriors, my children. Because that's what I want to be.